Straight goes gay

A lot of beautiful things can come out [of queer parties and communities], from relationships, to work and shared memories. People who live in small towns and rural areas typically consider marriage as an important part of their identity. Many felt that sex with men was irrelevant to their identities given other aspects of their lives.

This means actively listening without judgment and validating each person’s unique journey.

• Seeking Support: Seeking support and resources for exploring non-traditional experiences helps to remove stigma. When a straight-identified man has sex with another man, he views himself as straight despite sex with men.

  While many people understandably think that men are “closeted” if they have sex with other men yet identify as straight, this is not exactly true.

  Just get out there and put glitter around your eyes. Within the supportive embrace of his new tribe, Man #3 found solidarity. Listening to, and eventually sharing with, other out gay men provided a transformative experience. Not to mention the taste for fashion and music.
  I’m one of the founding partners of UNKNWN—we used to throw parties [in the Philippines] before COVID wrecked it for all of us—and a lot of the clubbing I did in queer spaces in Berlin informed my involvement in that.

  You learn to correct your own course, steering back toward the "normal" that society has laid out.

  The Internal War: Denial and the Weight of Homophobia

  The most significant barrier to self-acceptance is often not external but internal. This can include access to counseling, educational materials, and community support groups.

Contact me to get the help you need

I’m Dr.

Michael Stokes, and my philosophy focuses on understanding personal desires and boundaries, empowering men to take control of their sexual experiences. 

Let me help you work toward a healthier and better-informed sex life. You’ll be loved!

“You can be whatever you want. Heteroflexible individuals may experience same-sex encounters sporadically or under certain circumstances, but these experiences don’t necessitate a shift in their sexual identity.

Interestingly, when I got to the front of the queue at ARQ, the bouncer asked me if I knew what “type of place this is.” The vibe I give off must have changed from that night because that was the only time I’ve ever been asked that question.

How are queer parties different from straight parties?
The thing I like most about queer parties is the feeling of no judgment.

Hence they are usually the longest-lasting parties. This isn’t merely about personal discovery; it’s about untangling a life deeply interwoven with another, built on assumptions that suddenly shift beneath everyone’s feet. During Pride, we deliberately wanted to tip the balance to welcome more queer people. Be all the beautiful things in between.

They felt that heterosexuality and masculinity were “normal” and expected of them.

Furthermore, sexuality is multidimensional, and attractions, behaviours and identities do not always align. For Man #4, this involved acknowledging and validating feelings of sadness or confusion related to:

• Lost Expectations: The future he had unconsciously planned, perhaps involving a heterosexual marriage or family structure.
• The ‘Road Not Taken’: Mourning the path he thought he was on, even if it wasn’t truly authentic.

Following this essential grieving process comes the powerful celebration of an authentic gay identity.

As we delve into these narratives, we begin with Mark’s story, a poignant journey that illuminates the powerful hold of internalized homophobia and the long road to acknowledging one’s true self.

This journey of sexual fluidity often begins not with a bang, but with a whisper—a quiet internal shift that challenges a lifetime of assumptions.

Cracks in the Foundation: Unearthing a Buried Truth

For many men who come to understand their attraction to other men later in life, the process is not a sudden revelation but the final, undeniable conclusion to a lifetime of quiet questions and suppressed feelings.

Feel wonderful.