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One thing led to another..."
11."I'm straight and have hooked up with men a few times, almost always as an anonymous/discreet encounter. Never went farther than oral..."
16."I used to kiss my best friend on the lips.
So we asked straight men of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about their same-sex hookup encounters. Whenever we scored a basket, we would dry-hump our erections together (clothed). Back in high school, we were all very loose with our actions. We got on the topic of sex and whether we'd ever thought about having sex with another man.
We never kissed romantically. I have a female friend who is bi, and she said that women know how to do oral better than most guys, so I just had this thought that it would be the same for guys..."
3."When I was younger, a friend and I had a game we played on one of those over-the-door toy basketball hoops. We ended up making out, doing some foreplay, and even had sex that night..."
8."I'm not straight, but I've hooked up with about six or seven straight guys.
A blowjob feels pretty much the same regardless of who's delivering it. Most of these men choose other masculine, white, and straight or secretly bisexual men as partners. More charitably, it might be a gift or a favor to a bisexual or gay friend.
Several years ago, psychologist Jane Ward introduced us to dude-sex: sex among white, masculine, straight men in urban or military contexts for the purpose of building and reinforcing their masculinity.
I told him that I would prefer not. I finished him off though because that's the kind of bro I am."
2."I received a blowjob from a guy who lived near me, simply because I wanted to know what it felt like. I suspect a big part of it was that we were best friends, so it didn't seem awkward..."
5."I met a guy online who refused to send a pic of himself out of fear.
He opened the door, and damn. Mostly straight is less about dude-sex or bud-sex and more about who they are as sexual and romantic individuals.
The take-home message: Men are considerably more fluid and complex in their sexuality than we might believe.
References
Savin-Williams, R. C. (2017). I decided to take a chance and meet him at his house.
She’s interested in culture, not biological realities.
In terms of bud-sex, Tony Silva — who's currently writing his dissertation about rural straight men who have sex with each other — proposed that both the goal and the consequence of bud-sex is to reinforce their masculinity and heterosexuality. As Silva concluded, “It is not the sexual practices themselves but individuals’ interpretations of them that are central to sexual identity and gender.”
Indeed, which sex they have sex with was mostly irrelevant for the sexual identities of the men Silva interviewed.
When he entertained or had sexual relations with a man, provided it was the right man or the right circumstance, it was not to solidify his masculinity or his heterosexuality — indeed, nearly the opposite on both counts — but rather an expression of his sexual orientation and, on occasion, his sexual identity. I knew I was straight when I realized I felt completely indifferent while he was getting into it.
When mostly straight men entertained or had sexual relations with a man, provided it was the right man (attractive, hot, his type) or the right circumstances (after a party, sleeping in the same bed, intense sexual moment), it was not to solidify their masculinity or heterosexuality but as an expression of their sexual or romantic orientation. It was kinda cool, but not something I'd go out of my way to do again.
We ended up fooling around — hands and mouths went almost everywhere..."
14."I'm gay, but my best friend is not. To Silva, the results "demonstrate the flexibility of male heterosexuality and the centrality of heterosexuality to normative rural masculinity.” To these men, same-sex sex is compatible with heterosexuality: “It is not the sexual practices themselves but individuals’ interpretations of them that are central to sexual identity and gender.” For partners, the men preferred “secretive, nonromantic same-sex sex” and had both one-time meet-ups and regular male sexual friendships.
In an email exchange, I asked Tony Silva why he researches bud-sex.